Finding Myself Again

I’ve been contemplating this post for quite sometime. After battling some depression from the loss of Turbo and a broken ankle, I guessed it should be time to get myself back.

Running has been put on hold for the last 3-ish months. It’s pretty pathetic. I have run a couple miles in the last few weeks but instead of jumping back on the horse, I’ve been slow to warm up. Every little ache or pain is now a possible break in the bone. I never thought I would be so fearful of just getting out and going for a run. I ran my first mile alone but ever since I have taken Molly with me in hopes that she’ll slow me down. Tomorrow, I have put serious thought into it and I am going to go out there and finally enjoy what I use to love doing.

Me on my first run since breaking my ankle

As far as Turbo goes, it does indeed “get better” whatever that means right? It’s never easy to lose a loved one, furry or not, but it does (what everyone said) “get better”. Pictures don’t make me bawl my eyes out anymore, the shear thought of him actually has transformed from tears into what I call the ‘sad smile’. The ‘sad smile’ is the look you get when you want to cry but then you think of everything good that happened before the sad incident. You think of everything that was fair and happy in the world. Everyone knows that Katie Holmes in Dawsons Creek had this look perfected (Sorry, thanks to Netflix I’m watching all of the seasons again). There is still, every now and then, a moment that leaves me with a tear or two welling in my eyes. Like tonight, Daniel was cooking dinner while I was cleaning the kitchen. I was singing to Molly while doing the dishes and she was watching me with a slight wag in her tail. I turned to Daniel and looked at Molly. He told me that she looks at me the same way Turbo use to look at me. As warm as I felt by the comment, I also felt sad. It made me miss him a little tonight. I have noticed that I don’t think about him every day anymore. I then realized that was what I have been afraid of, forgetting him. Although it is impossible, my once absolute world has gone from everything to the occasional thought. An observation that I have found hard to accept. I guess I am still working with my feelings on losing him, but I suppose I’ll never fully get over it.

With Molly, she has made me such a happy dog owner. She is smart, beautiful, strong willed, and quite the runner. We still have yet to really place her as far as dog breeds go, but if I had a guess at it she would be somewhere between a Boxer/Beagle/Pitbull hybrid (that’s the new hip term for Mutt). She is 3 days away from turning 5 months old and weighs in at 28.6 pounds of lovable, hugable, cuteness (but watch those baby teeth). She is such an enjoyment and a great addition to Daniel, me, and Caesar. Shes even a certified puppy class graduate! So far she can sit, shake and lay down on command. We are still working on and doing really well at Stay, leave it, drop it, off, etc etc. She still has some learning to do, but she has extreme focus and want to please. I just love her so much.

Her ears went from one standing  and one yoda to both hound dog ears in one night.


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